X Factor being compared to The Hunger Games - a comment on society. But mostly my own thoughts.

Like many, I have long since lost interest in The X Factor; this show should have stopped after a few series as a) not many acts that have come through have had great success and b) I'm bored of it now and would like to see something else on TV. This year, however, the producers have desperately shoe-horned in "twists" to keep us, the idiotic general public, interested in viewing 16-year-olds crying their way to the "live finals".

I've wanted it ever since I can remember! -- you are 17. You will want the iPhone 5C next week.

This increasingly outdated show is pathetically trailing behind the entertainment value of shows such as Strictly Come Dancing as we actually know and care about the people on that show. Not only do we have our favourite celebrities (and Sophie Ellis Bextor) but we also have the talented dancers that we've come to know and love over the years and, of course, Brucey. But X Factor feels stagnant and frankly boring. I'll admit, I like the return of Sharon Osbourne, and I enjoyed the audition room which then lead to the arena audition - let's face it, you might sound awesome in a room in front of a table, but put you on a stage with a mic and a tough to impress audience and you might crumble. I think that aspect of the show has worked well.

Controversially, I also really like the new chair thing they've got going on in Boot Camp. I don't know what it is about it... Possibly my inner sadist enjoying the schadenfreude of these "young hopefuls" being given hope and then watching it being snatched from underneath them? Probably not the sole reason. It's knowing that there is total uproar about the process! These singers KNOW that once they're seated, there are no guarantees until the last person has sung. That's it. It makes great viewing, I think. It keeps you interested (although it's pretty obvious once a few people we've never seen in the audition process are sat down initially, you know they're gon' get swapped for someone they filmed and showed us every week - those producer people are clever like that see) and adds a lot of much needed tension to your weekend evenings. I can't fully understand why people are upset about it, especially the contestants. If you read the following article there are quotes from contestants about the process:

http://www.unrealitytv.co.uk/x-factor/x-factor-2013-fans-blast-seat-twist-branding-akin-hunger-games-agree-say/

Well... if you don't like it or don't agree with it... Just leave? If you are worried about "taking someone's spot" then walk away graciously and allow them to remain seated. If you don't like the whole charade, just bow out quietly (it's okay, Whatsyourface, you'll be big regardless(!)...) and leave them to it. By staying and playing you're condoning what they're doing.

I also MUST disagree strongly with the aforementioned article's comparison of this new round as being like "The Hunger Games". For those of you not in the know, The Hunger Games is a novel set in a dystopian future where children (yes, CHILDREN) are chosen to go into an arena and kill each other live on television for the entertainment of the rich and powerful. So yes, if that's what happened over the weekend (actual bloodshed, that is) I could agree with that statement. However, the worst that happened was tears being shed (not blood, just to confirm), so I shall not accept the comparison. Compare it to Twilight - that was awful and so is X Factor.

Also these people who put themselves through the X Factor and get knocked back again and again need to take a hint... If they keep saying "no" just take up a new hobby. Maybe crochet? Low maintenance and also no one has to listen to you singing...

"Musical: THE MUSICAL! A giant musical flies onto the stage..."

It's that time of year again where I go to London, watch a million shows, and then tell people all about them.

The five shows I saw this week are: The Book of Mormon, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Once, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time (see... not a musical, I'm well cultured, me), and Matilda, which I saw once last year.

NB: There may be spoilers. You have been warned!

Let's start with The Book of Mormon. Now, to get tickets to this show, we basically had to sell our kidneys. If you're lucky enough to get tickets directly from the theatre, then you may actually be a wizard. The show is hugely popular: a lottery is done every day and lucky winners get tickets to the show. The losers? Well, they have to go find something less outrageous than this musical, written by the same twisted minds that gave us South Park and Team America: World Police.

The theatre itself, The Prince of Wales, is a beautiful theatre. Previously home to Mamma Mia! (which tells you why I've never been inside before as we caught it in Cardiff while it toured the globe), this theatre is spotless and bright, much unlike most other West End theatres. Our seats were in the circle closest to the sky, but we did not have awful seats (remember: we had to sell kidneys and other innards to obtain tickets to this show). It opens in Salt Lake City, USA - and it's all downhill after that! Elder Price (Gavin Creel) and Elder Cunningham (played wonderfully by "stand-by" David O'Reilly) are sent on a mission (not that kind of mission) to deepest, darkest Africa, where the residents of the village they are plonked down into are disillusioned, downbeat and, as they sing, "we all have AIDS" (yes, we've heard that one before, Team America!). The villagers are eccentric characters that speak their minds and swear quite openly, much to the horror of our young Elders. The other missionaries are also disheartened that their efforts have not yet paid off. Elder Price is convinced God has another plan for him - to be sent to Orlando (his favourite place which, also, is sung about). After an argument with oddball Elder Cunningham (who reminded me of Josh from Nick sitcom "Drake and Josh"), Price leaves, breaking rule 72 of not leaving your brother on his own, and Cunningham must teach the villagers the stories and morals of Mormons. Except, he's never actually read the Book of Mormon, and so he makes it up. He incorporates his own likes - science fiction - to embellish the stories he tells the villagers. Credit must go to the entire company for maintaining the energy needed for such a fast-paced, shocking show. The contrast of the clean-cut Mormons and the hardened African villagers is portrayed wonderfully. There is also a darker story behind the fear of the villagers - the General is looking for young women to castrate - which shows that the show has a hint of seriousness to it too. Overall verdict is this: If you loved Avenue Q, you will surely think this is a big step up! Forget puppets - it's all about Mormons now!

Forget the off-the-wall Matilda. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was a beautiful production. Set nowhere in particular (but it can be assumed UK, thanks to the accents), we first meet Charlie sat on a rubbish heap, where he collects things that are "Almost Nearly Perfect". A sweet youngster who always puts others ahead of himself, Charlie is obsessed with all things Wonka. Nigel Planer plays the affectionate, story-telling Grandpa Joe, and Douglas Hodge plays a wacky but caring Wonka that doesn't creep me out as much in real life as he did in the photos (I think they were heavily Photoshopped, that's all I can say). The other ticket-winning children are a complete contrast to Charlie - spoilt, loud, colourfully dressed and rarely do as they are told. This is the lesson that Wonka is keen for us all to learn - disobedient, rude children always get what they deserve in the end. As brattish and irritating as they were, all the children involved in the production were hugely talented. The dreariness of the first half is a perfect contrast to the bright sets of the second act, where we are immersed into Wonka's bizarre factory, full of Oompa-Loompas that sing, a TV screen you can take chocolate out of, and a room full of squirrels that end up throwing one of the vile youngsters into the "bad nut" chute. A production that has something for everyone, including a Great Glass Elevator that takes Charlie and Wonka out over the audience, it is a feel-good show for the whole family.

The next production we saw was Once. This is a show I knew virtually nothing about – not the story, the music or the concept, apart from it was a film that won an award for Best Original Song at some point in time and is now a hugely successful stage show. I would rather call this a “play with music and singing” than a musical, as all of the songs are sung for a reason, as opposed to people bursting out into song as they would in, say, Phantom or Legally Blonde. The entire cast are able to play their own instruments beautifully, with many playing more than one at different points of the show. Centred around “Guy” and “Girl” (whose names we never learn), the show takes place over roughly a week. The guy meets the girl by chance – he’s busking and about to abandon music and the painful memories behind the songs he wrote; she’s walking by and convinces him to fix her vacuum cleaner (that’s what he does as a job, it’s not just random!). Eventually, he gets to know her and she convinces him to pursue his dream – go to New York to sing, and to find his ex-girlfriend. The leading characters were played wonderfully by Stuard Ward and Zrinka Cvitesié who, like the rest of the cast, accompanied their own singing. The set was that of an Irish pub, and the festivities began before the show itself – the cast entered and began playing as though jamming and calling out requests to one another. Irish/Celtic folk music was played, as well as Bavarian-type music (this all became clear why – half the characters are Czech). The audience is even allowed on stage before the performance and during the interval to buy a drink from the bar (which you get in your very own “Once” plastic cup – to keep!) The will they/won’t they storyline grips you completely, especially as the Girl selflessly helps the Guy to pursue his dreams, even though she falls in love with him after a short time together. The supporting ensemble showed off their minor characters too, with each one bringing an element of comedy to this poignant story, as well as their talents as musicians. This is a beautiful and different show (especially for people who don’t “do” musicals) with a folk feel, beautiful singing and a very emotional journey.

Now. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time is a book that I read during my early teens. It is seemingly written by a young boy, who has been told he has to write a story for part of a school project. Except this youngster has difficulty making things up, and so writes about things that actually happen to him. The reason he cannot “make something up” is that he has Asperger’s Syndrome. This is a fast-paced production (not a musical, may I add!) that really captures traits of the disability really well – the scenes at the train stations (first Swindon, then Paddington and eventually on a Tube train) were done phenomenally well, showing the audience the anxiety and the stress that the main character feels while being in these rather busy and unfamiliar places, by increasing the noise/music level and the behaviour of others around him. Christopher, the main character, was portrayed excellently by Johnny Gibbon, and the supporting cast showed the extent to which those around him are able to deal with and understand his needs, from his own parents to the impatient strangers at the Tube station. It was Gibbon’s character that really shone, however, as the minute details of a person who does suffer with autism were handled sensitively and realistically on stage, from his dislike of being touched to his fixation on getting his book back (because he had to write the story for school), despite a more serious situation occurring around him. The set itself was very basic. The floor and walls appeared to be chalkboard, which enabled Christopher and his love of maths to create drawings on, and had various compartments throughout which props were pulled out of. There were elements of humour within the show too, with Christopher telling the characters off because they did something incorrectly or telling different people they were now portraying a different character. I could go on about how impressed I was by this production, but the fact that it has won awards and critical acclaim should satisfy most of you. I was also fortunate enough to win a badge! Some seats in the audience were covered over and had an instruction on them – because Christopher is a keen and able mathematician, the seats that were “prime numbers” invited audience members to take part in a challenge. If your name added up (by their formula) to a prime number, you could win a prize. 139! I received a smiley face badge. Would I recommend this for everyone? No. There is some strong language in it (particularly the opening line “What the fuck have you done to my dog?” or thereabouts) and themes that a younger audience may not quite understand, but it is certainly a gripping production that I’m sure will run for quite some time.

The final production we caught was Matilda. After last year, we were left feeling uncertain if it was as good a production as it had been hyped up to be, and so we gave it a second chance. After taking our seats pretty much on stage (row A, right next to the stairs that go onto the stage), we were immersed into the strange world of Matilda and the characters that she meets, from her oddball family, her kind and encouraging but timid teacher, and the terrifying bully Trunchbull (played by Charles Brunton on this particular evening). We are also plunged into the story that Matilda sees in her head and shares with the librarian, where an acrobat and an escapologist are married, and perform one final trick before the birth of their daughter. The whole thing is a colourful spectacle, with amazing one-liners and actors running up and down the aisles and popping up in the boxes. Having seen it before, I was fully aware of the structure, the characters and the set, but having a seat so close to the show really made a difference as we were able to concentrate solely on the action. I was even leaned on at one point by a young cast member who thought I was a chair as he made his way up the stairs before the School Song! I was also heckled by Mr Wormwood (played by Mark Goldthorp) who asked the adults in the audience to put their hands up if they’d ever read a book – and then told me “No, I said adults, put your hand down”…! I’m in my twenties, thankyouverymuch sir!

All in all, each production we saw was of the highest quality, with a fantastic cast and brilliant sets and music. If I had to pick a single favourite, I would be hard pressed and worried about offending anyone, because everything we saw was superb in its own way.

Funniest (but potentially the most inappropriate): The Book of Mormon

Family feel-good: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Unique: Once

Best actors: The Curious Incident…

Greatest songs: Matilda

How do you measure a year? You measure it in musicals.

It's been a long time since I wrote a blog. I've obviously been too busy eating and sleeping and stuff to post, so here I am, procrastinating and making up for lost time.

Since the beginning of 2013, I have seen a good few shows which (if you've read many of my posts from last year) is mostly what I blog about these days. Mostly because it's easiest to write about.

The first show of 2013 was A Chorus Line, which we saw about a week or so after it opened in London's Palladium Theatre on my 23rd birthday. Aside from a disappointingly ropey American accent from EastEnders' resident jazz-hand fanatic Christian (who's real name is something like John Somethingorother?), I really enjoyed it. The dancing was slick and the singing was great. A show I really love personally, and so it couldn't go far wrong in my eyes.

We have also seen Boy George's musical, Taboo, which played in Brixton Clubhouse. What a fantastic show, so underrated! The setting was great - a grungy nightclub that reminded me of a slightly better version of Swansea's Sin City (sorry, anyone over 30, I don't know what it was called way back when), full of decadence, glitter and cross-dressing - what's not to love? The storyline was gripping as you followed Billy's rise to fame as a photographer who gets caught up with a young Boy George (played brilliantly by Matthew Rowland). The cast followed the lead of the fabulous Paul Baker as Philip Sallon, a transsexual club promoter, and The Voice finalist Sam Buttery gave a grandiose performance as Leigh Bowery, an artist/performer/fashion designer, to name but a few of his trades.

Last night we saw a touring production of 9 to 5 in the Grand Theatre in Swansea, starring Jackie Clune, Amy Lennox, Natalie Casey and Mark Monaghan, all office workers in a 1970s American office building. The three girls think they've accidentally killed their boss and tie him up at home when he finds out what they did (trust me, it's a lot funnier than it sounds!). The entire cast were flawless, which you can expect on the final night of a tour. Amy Lennox's Doralee was fabulously country, and Natalie Casey's Judy was a brilliant comedic role with a touch of heart, which came across wonderfully in the big number "Get Out and Stay Out". Laughed all the way through - a highly-recommended night out!

Then, we come to Viva Forever! which we saw on the 2nd of March.

I suggest if you plan on seeing this show in the immediate future, you terminate your visit to my blog here. Right now.

And another warning: It's going to be dramatic. And very spoiler-y.

...

It was awful.

Truly the worst thing I've ever seen. I've seen a lot of productions in my time, amateur and professional. This was the worst. Written by Jennifer Saunders, this storyline is disappointingly lazy, so don't expect to be gripped by a tale that takes you on a rollercoaster of emotions. The performers were let down by this script, which filled time pointlessly with great numbers like "Too Much" which could have been used so much better elsewhere in the show, and then skipped over very important details such as, oh yes, the main character is adopted.

The premise is this: Viva and her friends enter a TV talent contest (Think BGT meets Popstars) and their judge is a worn-out old-hat Sharon Osborne-esque diva with a heart of stone. The Simon Cowell figure tells her how boring she is, so she decides to throw a spanner in the works on live TV - only one member of Viva's band goes through to the live finals. Predictably so, Viva is chosen, and goes on a journey (blink and you'll miss it) to the heady heights of fame, and falls in love with her Spanish vocal coach, the mysterious Angel. I say he's mysterious because you meet him about twice before they fall in love in Act Two. It's all very sudden. At the end of the show, there is absolutely no resolution. As Viva steps forward in the final round of Starmaker (I think it's called), she cuts the music, and begins with a very slow "I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want..." Then her ex-bandmates (who, wait a minute, I thought hated her?) decide to jump up from the audience and join her. And then that's it. No resolution to the show. No tear-filled reunion where Viva tells her friends how wrong she was to abandon them. No truce is called between the talent show diva and the Simon Cowell bloke. No winner of Starmaker is announced. Nothing. The part that irritated me the most was when the old woman judge (who's name I can't remember and don't even remotely care about) decided that she would get Viva's birth mother on the show... Her assistant lies and says the woman is here, and when the doors open there is no-one stood there...! What. The. Actual. ****?

This show was incredibly disappointing for me - not only as a musical theatre fan and a lover of jukebox musicals, but as a massive Spice Girl follower for most of my life. The storyline was lazy; the songs were unfamiliar; the premise unoriginal. Such a shame as the cast were really very good. Jennifer Saunders claims to have created a show all about friendship and girl power - this show delivered neither. Quite frankly, I'd re-write this show for them and expect nothing in return. It is an insult, not only to musicals, but to females everywhere. Jenny - stick to writing rubbish like Ab Fab in future, okay "darling"?